Thoughts

I was in the process of writing my Mellow Monday piece last night when I found out some troubling and sad news. Jonghyun from KPop band SHINee had died.

I won’t make this a post about how I feel and how sad I am because that becomes obsolete in the grand scheme of things. His family and brothers are mourning.

I wanted to touch on something I feel is important.

Depression, amongst other non visible illnesses, is as I said an illness. It isn’t something people can switch on an off. It isn’t a party trick or something you can contract. It is a serious condition in which many people fall victim too. There isn’t a store bought cure.

Anyone can have depression, the richest of men to the poorest. It has no target. Everyone is susceptible.

We should never play down someone’s illness. Just because it isn’t a physical blemish or easily noticeable. It does not mean it doesn’t exist.

It comes in variant shapes, sizes and has different ways of latching on.

We should all take a moment to think about who or what makes us proud. It can be a relative, a friend, someone you work with, even your favourite singer or actor.

Never expect someone to know that you are proud of them. Take the time to show praise and love where it is due.

Fame and money does not leave you free from this horrible illness.

Out of respect I will not divulge details regarding his death. But I will note something.

Jonghyun, I know that overtime I grew apart from you, your group and the music you all produced. But that never meant I was not proud, as a fan, of your achievements. You were my first bias, the first vocalist I could pick out from a song because your voice was so unique. I remember watching Hello Baby and seeing how humble and just incredible you were.

May you rest in eternal peace and know we are all very proud of you now and forever.

I won’t be posting until the new year now.

Please read what I said and absorb it’s meaning. If you find this post and need someone to talk to my doors are always open to anyone.

Eli.

NaBloWriMo: Post 10 – Hmmm

Arguing with people is never a nice experience. But even more so when it’s a parent. I don’t really like arguing, simply because it stresses me out, and when I get stressed my face acts up. Seeing that I changed my blog provider, you wonderful people won’t know what I’m talking about so I’ll give you a quick low down. Basically around the summer of 2013 I had Bell’s Palsy, which meant half my face stopped working. Fun fun fun.

So I have to talk things in my stride but that doesn’t always go in my favour – at 1am, I snuck back into (yes back into) my house. I shan’t explain everything that happened but I haven’t slept at all and my mind is clouded 😦 .

image

Thoughtful kitty statuette on my windowsill. More thoughtful than me.

Morning world.

NaBloWriMo: Post 4 – No More Sunny Days

Having one of those days where metaphorically it’s like when you think it’s a fart but it’s actually a shit.

I’m confused. Maybe doing what I just did will have severe consequences for me in the future (which doesn’t exist).

Putting friendships on breaks is never easy, especially when it’s with a best friend. I’ve been feeling lately that I’m not actually an equal in thus friendship; merely a subordinate. It might do me some good, might fuck me up and send me over the edge. Just have to wait and see.

No more sunny days.

NaBloWriMo: Post 3 – 2am blues

It’s 2am
And can I sleep.
This infernal thinking
Makes my heart weep.
It’s toxic thoughts
That bore so deep.
That toxicity
Starts to seep.
It’s 2am
Please just let me sleep.

I feel really sad for some reason. I spent all day pushing to blog but I just couldn’t. Hours and hours of trying but I just lay there thinking. Thinking of how fucking stupid I am. But alas that’s something for another day. I’m contemplating completing some gamer tag questions for my next NaBloWriMo post … It’s all thoughts thou.

5am bus journey

On this extensive bus journey at 5am with 2 work colleagues, I’m forced into the mindset of desperation.

Can’t quite put my finger on it but I assume it’s for some form of affection -I mean working a 6 hour shift, with people hooking up and couples making out, I’m left wallowing in self pity because I can’t get that. Being single for my entire life is taking its toll on me.

I’m going to stop with this pity party because it is somewhat depressing to think of. Let’s just get back to my relaxation playlist of Two Door Cinema Club, Bombay Bicycle Club, and Asobi Sexu.

Good morning sleeping world.